The Good Girl Blog

This is my life. This is my blog.

Today is my husband's father's birthday. I am sending a card and have told my husband to call him. I don't know if he will or not. Things in that relationship have been weird lately. My husband has not really wanted to take the time to see him or talk with him. His dad and step mother do not really like me and I am sure they think I am the reason or have something to do with WHY he isn't being more familial. But, I'm not.

My husband was pretty much abandoned by his father at a young age. I'm sure his Dad would beg to differ but in reality and pure truth, that is what happened. He left my husband's mother for another younger woman and went to California. As a result, the mother had to hire an investigator to find him because she was receiving no child support. The dad has said that she forced him to move back from California, but really, how hard would it have been to send child support from California and be done with it? In any case, his dad now hates (I mean, visciously hates) his mother. My husband, on the other hand, was brought up extremely poor. Single mom, yada, yada, yada. The child support for two children was $33 a week. Could you support your kids on that?

My husband never really had a Dad/Son type relationship with his dad. They used to party together when my husband was in high school. (That's when they started to hate me alot. Not sure why they still have a distaste for me now.) Who parties with his dad?

There were a couple of flashes of fatherhood during those years. Once, when my husband tried to rebel against his mom and she called the dad. He almost kicked my husband's butt! At Christmas, they give gifts to us like we're family. Well, kind of..... they give their full blooded daughter more at a seperate Christmas just for them, which is a source of tension between my husband and his full sister. Even so, that kind of bothers my husband because he doesn't want gifts given to him like a son when most of the year he doesn't hear from them.

I have been actively encouraging him to forge a relationship with his father but he just doesn't get it. In fact, he seems to not get it now more than ever before. It is kind of funny because I would say that it was just the opposite five or six years ago. I was the one who didn't care and my husband was the one who did. How the tables have turned!

My argument is that you only have one father and one day he is going to be dead and you will have regrets. I truly don't think you should ever have regrets. There is only a short life to live here and you shouldn't regret anything when it is your time to go. Don't wait to build a relationship that you know you should have had. Quit holding a grudge that he is not a father figure and at least be a friend if nothing else.

My husband's argument isn't really an argument. He really doesn't express outright how he feels about it. However, from the tidbits he does let out, I gather that his problem is that his father is not a Dad. His dad has never said he is proud of him in any way. My husband hears my parents say that to me all the time, even now that I am in my 30's. His own mother tells him she is proud of him. She is interested in his life. My husband's father never seeks him out. My parents and my husband's mom will track our asses down if they don't hear from us every week or two at the most! One time, when my husband was in the emergency room, without insurance, he called his dad for financial help. His dad said he couldn't help him. That is one of those dad things where he should have stepped up to the plate and because he didn't, it left a lasting impression.

I feel bad for both of them. I am sure my husband is missing out on something his father could teach him. At best, he is missing out on knowing his own roots and where he comes from physically AND emotionally. I'm also sure that his father is missing out on a great son who is generous, loving, hard working, and fun to be with. His father is missing out on his only son, the one he can be proud of to carry on his name. It amazes me the things that people will put up with in their lives because they don't want to do something they wouldn't normally do. How hard is it for either of them to pick up the phone and say, "I love you"?

Well, my wish for each of them is that their hearts find each other and embrace each other. Regardless of the past, I hope they can move into their future loving each other and truly caring about each other.

posted by charlene at 9:57 AM

I haven't posted here lately. Not alot of really feel good things going on right now. My husband's business is doing well of late but that will probably wane off a bit in the next few weeks. Otherwise, it is still a really great job he is doing. I question his need for expensive help, but it is still a great amount of work he himself does.

Baseball and softball are finally settling down after numerous issues at past meetings. We did equipment inventory on Saturday morning and it went super! It was surprising that we had so many coaches show up. We did have to call some but they did show. We only had a couple of people not show due to being out of town. It was a gorgeous day to be at the park, though!

I cleaned the concession stand and it is almost ready to go. I run it during the summer time, usually pretty much single handedly with some teenager help. This year, I am hoping to get more help but for free this time around. Last year, I did not get to see my son play much but his pitching has really improved so I hope to see him this year alot. I am anxious for the season to start.

I hope everyone enjoyed the weekend. Please pray for the tornado affected areas if you are blessed enough not to be in that area.

posted by charlene at 10:26 AM

Well, I am just home from Oklahoma. What a trip! Whew! But it was a great trip.... I went to see my Grandfather as he is 90 years old this month and still has it all together. He is an amazing man. In fact, that whole side of my family is amazing. I sometimes wonder how I fit in it. My grandparents devoted most of their lives to the church and helping other people. They have many good friends and family. We actually had to tell people the party was over so they would leave. That isn't usually typical of a senior citizen party, ya know?

The rest of my family is so gracious and kind. We were at my Aunt's most of the weekend. My other aunt and her family were there, too. I have a cousin that is like a super math whiz. Hardly anyone I know goes into the super hard world of mathematics. And you would think he would be a geek to the hilt but he's not. He's a sweet bohemian type of guy with a passion for math. My other cousins are typical southern boys with lots of charm and wit. One has a super pretty wife now with two very cute shitzu dogs. It was a super weekend and I hated to go.

I have so many fabulous memories of Oklahoma. I spent most of my childhood summers there with my grandparents. Being there brings back so many warm and loving feelings. My daughter said we should move there, but you know....it's not the same feeling if you live there. If you live there, you take for granted all the wonderful things that happened to you because you see the reminders every day. I prefer to cherish my memories there forever.

posted by charlene at 5:47 PM

Maybe there isn't much of a good side to me after all because I can rarely think of anything to say here. There was a time in my life where I had to re-evaluate everything that I stood for and every position/opinion I ever had. Ultimately, in the end, I felt that I really was a great person....very moral and upstanding with integrity and dignity. I still feel that way now but I don't dwell or obsess on it really like I used to.

I do want to give a plug to a new website I found that is right up my alley. Modestneeds.org. This is an organization that helps people get common needs met that public aid or government agencies do not and cannot help with. Like, car repairs. Or, a suit for job interviews. This is a sorely need service out there and small donations make up most of the funding. $5 here and there really adds up and does make a difference.

posted by charlene at 1:51 PM

Last night was softball practice. Not for me, but for my husband's team that he coaches. He is the baseball association president, a softball coach, and a baseball coach. This softball team is all girls 13 years old and up. They are a really great group of girls, very enthusiastic and fun. They are in the same age group as my son so we already knew most of them. One is my son's ex-girlfriend. She is my fav, of course. Cuter than she would ever think she really is. It is so sad to see the self esteem of so many girls being shattered by the false perception that they are fat because they aren't a size 3. This girl is a size 13/14 and I would kill to have her body. Plus, she has a great personality in general.

My son had a track meet yesterday. He got first place in like 4 events. Long jump, 400, 800 relay, and something else. This is the last year for track at our school due to massive budget cuts, so that is why he went out. He normally would not have gone out otherwise. He is more of a basketball/baseball kind of guy. I'm sure that the fact that he gets to see this girl he is obsessed with at the other school had a bit to do with it also......

posted by charlene at 8:46 AM

Hi, everyone! My name is Charlene. I am a 32 year old mother of 2 kids, a boy who is 14 years old and a girl who is almost 11 years old. I am married to my high school sweetheart. We have been married almost 15 years. I work in the credit industry, trying to help people get themselves out of sticky credit situations and getting on budgets. I also sell on eBay in the fall/winter for Christmas money. My husband is self employed in sales to bars and taverns for food stuffs and supplies. We live a small town of about 3500 people where everyone know everything about you.

I am using this website as a way to express all the feelings I have about any subject because I am often conflicted....as you will notice. I was a cheerleader in high school. I must say that I never liked that sport then but I embrace that now. I love to motivate people and cheer them on. Of course, there is also that lingering rebel girl (the bad girl) that can have oppositional feelings about the same subject. Generally, I voice all my feelings and people just think I'm a bitch or flighty. Now, I can kind of compartmentalize my thoughts with this new website venture and not feel like such a freak!

The Good Girl is the classic all-American girl who sees everything in a positive light and wishes everyone, including her enemies well. The best of her entire being is felt here. The good intentions, the good ideas, the good feelings. Enjoy!

posted by charlene at 1:45 PM

Test again

posted by charlene at 2:25 PM