The Fat Girl Blog
~ Wednesday, May 14, 2003
What in the hell is ***WRONG*** with me???? I totally screwed up my weekend. Had a big ass tournament on Saturday and had a full free day that day. I had only planned on a free meal that day. Then on Sunday, it was Mother's Day. Then, Monday, I did fine all day but I felt exhausted all day. Maybe withdrawal from the carb fest? I don't know, but I felt like crap all day and was very stressed out. That night, my husband cooked/fried up morel mushrooms as they are in season and I had to have some of those. Then, Tuesday, I called in sick because I was still exhausted. Ate like the fat chick that I am. Nasty stupid stuff that wasn't even very satisfying and made me have gas all day. Became severely depressed because one of my best friends is going to look into and probably get LAP band or gastric bypass. I am happy for her but pissed off at myself for not having insurance to get it done myself. Because I would at this point. I just hate myself the way I am. You would think that that would motivate me, but it doesn't. It just depresses me to no end. Depresses me to the point that I don't want to do anything. I am severely unmotivated to exercise because I have NO TIME!!! I hate my job because it is slow and going down the tubes and fucking up my dream to become skinny because I have to commute. And to top it all off, it is raining today. Dark and gloomy, like my life.
~ charlene mcgee at 8:21 AM
~ Monday, May 12, 2003
My weekends are killing me! Had to use Saturday as a free day because I worked the concession stand all day and did not have time to eat on plan. We were swamped. Then, Mother's Day killed me because everyone wanted to eat out and go for ice cream and I couldn't resist Baskin Robbins. I haven't been there in 3 years. Ugh! Then, I got an elliptical trainer for Mother's Day and it is harder and more unnatural than I suspected. I'm not giving up on it though. I will just keep getting on it until it does feel comfortable and I can stay on longer. I just didn't realize that you had to use so much leg power to get it going. It is like riding a bicycle standing up the whole time except the pedals are closer together. But, my husband will kill me if I don't get on the damn thing so I will quit my whining and get my fat ass on it. I prepared no food for this week. With the baseball tournament and Mother's Day, I didn't have time. Then we added two members to our family this weekend when their mother kicked them out. So my food budget is going to be greatly depleted I think. It is kind of expensive to eat this way all the time. It's the meat for the most part. I'm hoping to catch a nap at noon so I have enough energy tonight after the choir concert at school to cook and do UBWO. I really am starting to enjoy the weights. I hope that I just need time on the new machine to start liking that too. Otherwise, I'm screwed!
~ charlene mcgee at 8:23 AM
~ Friday, May 09, 2003
God, I'm depressed. I got home last night all ready to do an UBWO and But, I will just have to press on. Today is another killer day. I have to buy my initial order for the baseball concession stand tonight, go try to get Walmart to get the damned elliptical machine off the shelf so I can try it out, go stock the concession stand, find my kids, go home and clean, and then get in that UBWO that I missed last night. I drank a cappucinno this morning because I was desperate for caffeine and something to comfort me. It is my one vice besides Diet Pepsi, which is going under next week when I realign my goals for water consumption. Well, I hope SOMEBODY has a nice day!
~ charlene mcgee at 7:55 AM
~ Thursday, May 08, 2003
Boy, I'm really feeling that LBWO from two days ago today. I felt fine yesterday but today is a little worse. Yesterday, I was worried that I hadn't worked hard enough but now I see that I did pretty okay. I have been lurking over at the abcbodybuilding.com boards. Those ladies there can lift some heavy weights! I would fall over dead after one rep if I did what they did! Most of the regular girls there are not fatties like me. They all seem somewhat fit or at least not morbidly obese. I was going to put my training journal there but I would be too embarrassed so I think I'll just leave it here. I'm hoping to get that up soon. With baseball and softball season starting, I have like NO TIME! Really, I mean, when people say they have no time to exercise, do you roll your eyes? Yeah....well, at this point, that would really piss me off..... live my life: So, I am literally cramming the weight workout in late in the evening. When the season starts in two weeks, I will be exhausted and getting home at 10:30 pm or so. I will still need to do my workout. I only get about 6 hours sleep. Sometimes, I will nap at my office during lunch if I can. I don't have alot of choices here except to get rid of my job. Do you know how hard THAT is? I have been trying to get fired for 2 years and I am still here! Well, I'm still doing it. No excuses, right?
5:00 am Rise and Shine
6:00 am Commute to Work
7:45 am Arrive at Work
8:00 am First Client of 4 until lunch
12:15 Lunch
12:45 Paperwork
2:00 pm First of 3 more clients
5:00 pm Commute Home
6:45 pm Get Home and Change Clothes
6:55 pm Leave for Softball Practice or Concessions (I run them)
9:00 or 10:00 pm (Depending on the Day) Get Home and Workout
11:00 pm Last Meal. Go to Bed or Take a Bath and then Go to Bed at 11:30pm
~ charlene mcgee at 9:11 AM
~ Tuesday, May 06, 2003
Okay, whoever said you can start BFL at any time is just lying. I am all screwed up because I started on a Tuesday. I am going to really push to get all the lifting workouts in this week and start on week 3 Sunday per the book schedule. What screwed me up was I started on Tuesday and had freeday on Saturday so I would be juggling the schedule around every week. I would rather do it by the book. Anyhoo.... I did my UBWO again last night. I changed some things around, like higher weights on the chest and a couple of exercise changes. Went really well and I took care to go slow to feel and concentrate on the muscle. I really felt the burn during the workout. I figured that I would be barely able to move today. Well......I feel fine today. No soreness really. I feel slightly (very slightly) stiff but nothing real noticeable. I like to feel the soreness. It makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something so I get disappointed when I don't feel it. My schedule is killer this week so many of the workouts will be late at night. I need to do some research about eating after a workout and before bed because I will be going to bed right after working out. I don't know that I will feel like eating and it might make me eat a seventh meal so I wonder if that's alright. I got a new book yesterday at Borders but I want to return it and get the Ah-nold Encyclopedia. I love those body building books! They show you exactly how to do everything! I'm thinking that since the aerobic thing isn't happening for me right now, that I will work on my abs problem and some of the smaller muscle groups with regular body weight exercises on the aerobic days this week. I'm so fat that just getting my heart going should surely do more good than not doing anything at all.
~ charlene mcgee at 8:21 AM
~ Monday, May 05, 2003
Wow! I can't believe I haven't posted here since last Wednesday! Well, life is hectic in the summer time. I did post in my Fitday journal last week, though. My LBWO went pretty great on Thursday night. I was hurting so bad on Friday and Saturday. I felt much better on Sunday. And today is good. Now, I am going to try to concentrate on getting my UBWO up to par. I still haven't done much on the aerobic thing. I want to buy an ellipitical but will have to wait to save up the money this month. My abs that I did Thursday almost killed me. I posted the problem to the Lean and Strong board but haven't been getting much support there lately. Everyone is in competitions this time of year and those posts are like 5 billion messages long. They bump my posts off the page and I never get any answers to any questions. I may need to find a new board that doesn't have as many competitors, one that uses a better Bulletin Board system like UBB. My free day on Saturday went fine. My only requirement for the day was to get Chinese food, which we went to the buffet that night. Otherwise, I had leftover Jambalaya, a lightly breaded beef cube steak, a double cheeseburger, and a big cappucinno (sic). I think I may have had a donut too. The donut was a rush thing. I could not for the life of me decide what in the hell to eat on my free day that morning. Nothing sounded good yet my stomach was lurching for SOMEthing. So my kids had a box of donuts and I grabbed one to subside the growling noises. I am not a sweet eater. Afterwards, I thought it was so stupid. I want free day to be worth it. Only eat things I really want. Problem was, I couldn't think of anything except cappucinno and chinese food. Trauma!
Sunday was going so great all day. I was eating clean and fixed 20 meals in containers for the week. Then, my husband invites everyone over for Shrimp. He had bought like 30 pounds of it from a distributor and wanted everyone to taste it. Well, that blew it for me. Shrimp Scampi over Pasta is the house specialty and I was sucked in before I went to bed. Because of that, I decided that next Saturday, my next free day, will not be a free day, just a free meal. If I can avoid the free meal, then I will. I would like to make it 12 whole days of eating clean since my son graduates 8th grade on the 17th and that would be my next true free day, but I don't want to say I won't take the free meal next Saturday since I can never predict what road my life will take.
Hope ya'll had a better weekend than I did BFL wise.
~ charlene mcgee at 10:06 AM
~ Wednesday, April 30, 2003
~ charlene mcgee at 9:53 PM
Well, I did my first UBWO last night...at 9PM. That sucked. I hate exercising. I hope that changes. Everyone says it will. I couldn't complete the UBWO high points for the triceps and biceps because I became exhausted. Not just regular exhausted but, like, falling asleep in my tracks exhausted. That was very strange. I have a question up at Lean and Strong on the Main Board so I hope someone answers my questions there. I hated the exhaustion feeling. There has got to be something I can do to keep my energy high the whole way through the workout.
In any case, my chest workout was probably not challenging enough weight wise because I don't feel sore today at all. My shoulders ache a bit but nothing else. Since I have a ghetto weight set up, I may once again find myself buying yet another something or another to "fill in" gaps in the set.
I am not going to post my meal plan anymore because I never stick to it with my crazy ass schedule. Plus, I will put a link in the side bar to my Fit Day Journal so you can see in real time what I am eating. What I am finding is that during the day, I do not have enough time to fit in a meal sometimes and by the time I do have time, it is time for the next one. Then, at the end of the day, I am trying to cram in.
My protein choices are wearing thin right now as we have nothing in the house and getting to the grocery store is a big feat. Last night, I was trying to cram down some lowfat cottage cheese. It tasted awful and I couldn't get enough in. I had chicken that came with the nasty McD's "premium" salad. It tasted like sawdust so I wouldn't eat it. See the rant at the Bad Girl blog. My schedule is tearing me up at this point with no time for cooking or grocery shopping.
Oops! Gotta run....got a client!
~ charlene mcgee at 3:00 PM